Great Leaders Don't Speak ((sometimes))
-  ©GC Diaries

Since I am away from home, one of the things I look forward to in my day is that call home. Its always good to catch up with the children; their ups and downs are a unique opportunity to share their excitement and cheer them on, but also to encourage and reassure them of their greatness despite some grey spots in their day.

Yesterday, I learnt that Eliecia (7) had a group activity at school. She was a bit upset that she never got a chance to speak even though she thought she had brilliant ideas. As a result, she thought she deserved more marks than she was awarded. I must say she is one creative, thoughtful and smart minds her age - okay, I am her dad and am allowed to be biased.

As I looked out through the window of my hotel room to search the stars above the impressive Dubai skyline, it bothered me that my impressive girl's star had not been given a chance to shine.

What do I tell her?

Was she supposed to join the battle of voices and shout to be heard?

Was she supposed to stop paying attention to her peers and focus on creating space for her thoughts?

Was she supposed to be rude and interrupt other group mates just to show how brilliant she was?

Was she supposed to trade her tenderness and considerate attitude for aggression?

I thought about this. I actually slept over it.

Upon reflection, I realised that this group dynamics challenge persist through to adulthood.

As it happens in  classrooms, we see it in boardrooms.
You sit there and see people "fighting" for a chance to speak in a meeting.
You observe a few people dominating a conversation between themselves and not giving others a chance to contribute.

This challenge is even compounded by cultural differences that may exist within the team.

More importantly, there is a temptation within organisations and institutions to believe that people who speak more, faster, louder, smoothly and have an opinion on everything are more knowledgeable than the person who is decent enough to give others a chance to speak up, sober enough to listen to alternative views and thoughtful enough to sit quietly.

Their brilliant ideas suffocate in the boardrooms and only find space in the quiet safety of bedrooms, corridors and the playground - what a waste!!

It is a mistake, unfair even, to think that this special class of people has no valuable views to offer.

It is a mistake, unfair even, to judge this special class of people without giving them a chance.

We have heard that great leaders speak last. They listen to everyone's opinion, try to understand other people's views and integrate them into their own to formulate a richer perspective of the dynamics playing out in a situation.

This is true, but we have forgotten that this is hard to do.
One has to learn and put in years of practice to master this art and skill.

This is true, but we have forgotten that, like all learning, there are risks on this path.
The biggest risk is that while you are listening to others, the meeting actually ends without your full contributions having been heard.

So my daughter, is a great leader who has just started to learn, practice and develop her leadership role at an early age.

She has a gift of creativity and thoughtfulness which no "voice crowding" can take away.

She is very talented with the ability to listen, not only to the words but the feelings of other people.

She is a great leader in the making and she must enjoy the journey.

When she gets there, she must also realise that great leaders, give everyone in the room a chance to be heard.

Great leaders don't speak, sometimes.
It might seem unfair but that is her unfair advantage - the leadership advantage.

She already has the leadership attributes that are hardest to acquire, and we have a strong base to build on.

This is exactly what I will tell my daughter...and I will learn with her and from her!

 ©GC Diaries