The Relationships Framework ©GC_Diaries
 

The world population has reached 7.5billion...that is a lot of people!! Have you ever wondered why there are so many of us?

There are surely many reasons for this but I strongly believe that it is primarily because we need each other. We perform better as teams and we are happier together when we get along. The fact is, we are relational people and relationships are central to our existence.

If this is true, then it is not surprising that relationships require a lot of work to work. For most of us, this is one area that has been so elusive - at work, home and elsewhere in between.

Often, we give up - we let go of the relationships we must keep and keep those we must let go. We invest a lot of time and effort in the wrong relationships at the expense of those that matter the most. As humans, we seem to have a very big challenge in an area of central importance and we need to do something about this. I have experienced this and a lot of people have asked me for advice.

I enjoy solving problems, life problems. In typical MBA fashion, I gave this some thought and set out to develop a very simple and intuitive framework which I have called "The Relationships Framework". It is applicable for both personal and professional relationships; it is suitable for all human relationships. My goal is to provide clarity of thought and guidance which will hopefully help you effectively navigate your relationships with confidence and wisdom, swiftly while avoiding disastrous pitfalls.

From my observation and experience, every relationship can be described by two attributes - whether it is good or bad and if it is a necessary or unnecessary one.
How one defines good, bad, necessary and unnecessary is truly personal. In most cases, a good relationship is one you enjoy being in and necessity is a measure of value exchange. The nature of value exchange maybe voluntary, in the case of friendships and/or circumstantial/imposed in the case of colleagues, business interactions or relatives.

Easy to grasp, right?

If we plot Good/Bad on your y-axis and Un/necessary on the x-axis, we create four (4) quadrants as shown on the picture below and I will discuss the meaning, implications and strategies for each position (clockwise direction).

Quadrant 1: Good and Necessary

Location:

Top right quadrant.

 Meaning:

This relationship is enjoyable and you derive value from it through meaningful interactions.

Implications:
This is a worthy relationship and takes the least effort to maintain but at a significant risk of being complacent.

Typical Examples:
Family, close friends, close colleagues.

Strategy:
Continue to cultivate and prioritise, while being consistent and reliable.

Quadrant 2. Bad but Necessary

Location:
Bottom right quadrant.

Meaning:
Although necessary, this relationship is not enjoyable.

Implications:
The relationship’s necessity (real or perceived) means that contact time is relatively high and with it, likely stress which is not healthy for you.

Typical Examples:
Boss at work, key customers, family (in-laws, wife/husband, children) or teacher.

Strategy:
The generic strategy is to honestly reassess the relationship and challenge your views  - is the necessity real or perceived?

2a: Real Necessity

If necessity is real, you have to improve this relationship; first by changing your perceptions and attitude, followed by deliberate and conscious positive actions which you have to build into your routine. Seek to understand more and to consider where they may be coming from. Often, all they need is a little more respect, a little more consultation, a little more listening and a little more smiles...CARE MORE.

It is hard to be bad to a person who genuinely cares about you and over time, it will become a good and necessary relationship.

2b: Perceived Necessity
If necessity is only a perception, then the reality is that this relationship is bad and unnecessary – apply EXIT strategies.

Quadrant 3: Bad and Unnecessary

Location:
Bottom left quadrant.

Meaning:
This relationship is toxic and there is no value exchange.

Implications:
This relationship drains your energy, has very little value and is not worth your while.

Typical Examples:
Extreme cases within the professional and social environment but their description is typically prefixed by "ex-" e.g. ex-employer/employee, ex-partner

Strategy:
Immediately start to unwind and close the relationships for exit by creating emotional/physical distance while strategically reducing your reliance on them.

If its work related, this is the time to look for another job.

Quadrant 4. Good but Unnecessary

Location:
Top left quadrant

Meaning:
This relationship is good but of little value (yet).

Implications:
The fact that it is good suggests that you may have more in common than you already know.

Typical Examples:
These are “loose connections” at a professional and social level; including some Facebook friends and LinkedIn contacts, old former classmates.

Strategy:
The generic strategy is to maintain

4a: Good and of low to moderate unnecessity

It is likely that there is more value this relationship can offer if given more attention. Invest in these relationships and explore common interests to develop them into “good and necessary relationships.”

4b: Good and of moderate to high unnecessity
Maintain these relationships and let them evolve naturally; over time, their necessity will show and move to “Location-4a” or regress towards “Location-3” for “Exit”.

I hope that you will find this framework useful in managing the complex relationship dynamics of everyday life.

©GC_Diaries